On October 23, 2011, I was ordained into the ministry of Jesus Christ by the Church Within A Church Movement.  In that moment, I felt a sense of redemption and release from the abuse I experienced as a candidate for ordination in the United Methodist Church.  The relief was profound, and yet not sufficient to heal the wounds of years of spiritual abuse suffered under the power and authority of Bishop’s of the UMC.

The breaking news about the sexual abuse within the football programs at Penn State caused me to reflect on the intersections of abuse.  Sexual abuse is abuse of power.  Relationship abuse (domestic abuse and rape within relationships of trust) is abuse of power.  Spiritual abuse is also abuse of power.

The Church Within A Church Movement is committed to ending all forms of oppression.  Oppression is unjust, excessive, or cruel use of power.  Over the course of history, the most common abuses of power have acquired special names: tyranny, colonialism, slavery, racism, sexism, lynching, rape, bullying, child and elder abuse, domestic violence, sexual harrassment, corporate corruption, clergy misconduct, homophobia.

Dr. Robert Fuller coined the term, rankism, to describe this continuum.  Rankism is abusive, discriminatory, or exploitative behavior towards people who have less power because of their lower rank in a particular hierarchy.

Jesus had something to say about rankism before the word was ever coined.  Nowhere more insistent than in Matthew 23: 6-12,

“They love to have the place of honor at banquets and the best seats in the synagogues, and to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces, and to have people call them rabbi. But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all students. And call no one your father on earth, for you have one Father—the one in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant.  All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Pulling rank seems to be part of human nature.  We need to be able to distinguish between the legitimate and illegitimate uses of rank.  The problem is not power and authority per se, but the abuse thereof.  There are competitive advantages to be won by non-rankist organizational structures, as described in the best-selling business book, The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations.

Rankism exacts a toll on leadership.  This brings me back to my story of abuse within the United Methodist system.  The church needs spiritual entrepreneur’s or transformational leaders.  The church needs equipping pastors; leaders who use their positional authority to empower and inspire other leaders rather than protect their rank.  However, the United Methodist Church is burdened by a leadership deployment system that was built for the industrial age, an age where the church hierarchy aligned nicely with social and industrial hierarchies.  The hierarchical leadership culture forces gifted leaders out of the church.

Ordained Elders within the United Methodist Church have an almost guaranteed right to an appointment to Pastor a church.  Bishop’s have nearly absolute authority, within the confines of Book of Discipline, to make the appointments to individual churches.  In theory this relationship is a covenant, or mutual promise between Ordained Elders and Bishops to use the power of appointment appropriately to advance the mission of the church. The danger of this covenant is the inherent tendency towards dishonesty and deference to rank that status (hierarchy) induces.  Within the UMC, it has created a culture where people cease relating to Bishops as fallible human beings.  Decisions made by Bishops cannot be questioned, and are often subject to strict secrecy codes.

When a candidate for ordination is treated unjustly either by a Bishop or by a District Superintendent, there is no place to turn to seek justice.  A complaint about abuse or harassment must be filed with the hierarchy.  A complaint raised with the Board of Elders or Board of Ordained ministry, offers insufficient protection for the victim of the injustice because the majority of the people hearing the complaint serve under the appointment authority of the Bishop.  There are consequences for speaking truth to power.

There are many things that happened during my years in the United Methodist ordination and appointment process.  The specific abuses began with a public lie from a District Superintendent about a decision to remove the Associate Pastor from our church.  Two years later, there was another lie communicated in an email from the Dean of the Cabinet.   The hierarchy can justify their lies about appointments based on their need to protect the secrecy of their appointment decisions, but nevertheless, they lied.  They lie all the time.

Later, when I married another United Methodist Elder, the dynamics changed and the power became coercive and threatening.  Now the Bishop not only had power over my employment, he also had power over my husband’s employment.  We were threatened with the financial likelihood of surviving on one half time appointment at the conference minimum salary, and moving my husband 500 miles away from his twelve year old son.

When we refused that offer, the pressure increased.  There was almost no consideration for the dire financial situation of the congregation that I was serving.  In an ultimate show of power and authority, the Bishop demanded I attend a meeting with him and two District Superintendent’s in Portland.  Before he would announce my husband’s new appointment (scheduled to be publicly announced the following Sunday), he wanted to make sure that I agreed to ask for a voluntary leave of absence.  I angrily refused to be forced to submit to another lie to protect the secrecy of the Bishop’s right to make appointments.

This stand-off with the Bishop created an obstacle in my path towards ordination.  I had been commissioned as a provisional Elder in another Annual Conference, and was serving under a cross-conference appointment.  I applied for a part time youth ministry job.  Unfortunately the hiring process quickly ended up falling under the Bishop’s authority, and that led to another false representation that I was serving under an appointment.  Midway through the appointment year, I brought the misrepresentation out into the open in a valiant attempt to break through the stand-off and create a path that would eventually lead to ordination.

There is no safe way to tell the Emperor that he has no clothes, and there is no way to confront a Bishop (let alone two) about the errors in their decisions or the abuse of their power.  Confronting an abuse of power only leads to more abuse.  One Bishop had the authority to deny my request to transfer annual conferences.  Another Bishop had the authority to issue an ultimatum, serve under appointments and under special disciplinary procedures, live over five hundred miles away from my husband for an undetermined number of years, or voluntarily discontinue my process, or face disciplinary termination for failing to submit to the appointment authority of the office of Bishop.

I made my choice to stop the abuse.  I made the choice to seek another path towards ordination.  I made the choice to be ordained into Jesus movement, not a hierarchical institution.  I applied for ordination in the Church Within A Church movement.

Clearly, I have issues with hierarchical authority.  I cannot tolerate rankism.  Neither can I tolerate sexism, racism, bullying, sexual abuse, or any other misuse of power.  On the other hand, I am a devoted disciple of Jesus Christ.  I am in good company.

Jesus would not approve of the abuses of power perpetrated by United Methodist Bishops.  Jesus would not approve of rankism in the Body of Christ.  Jesus was subjected to spiritual abuse by the leaders of his religious tradition.  He was crucified for speaking truth to power.  He laid down his life for those who were powerless against the forces of rankism. But his death was not the end.  He arose from the grave, and through his resurrection we know that love wins.  The power of love cannot be defeated by the love of power.

The process of healing from the spiritual abuse of the United Methodist Church has only just begun.  My husband still serves under the authority of the same Bishop who abused me.  We live in a parsonage owned by a United Methodist congregation.  My health insurance coverage is through my husband’s job.  There is no appointment for me, no pulpit, no congregation for me to serve.  I live with the constant reminder of what I have lost, the opportunity to be a United Methodist Pastor.

I no have any desire to be a United Methodist Pastor.  I would not choose to travel the same road.  I see the rankism, sexism, racism, heterosexism and the spiritual abuse of the church so clearly now.  And yet, I grieve the loss of being a Pastor.  The pain is still present, the wounds are deep.  In time I pray that the wounds will heal.

A thought flashed through my head, “Aha, the doctrine of substitutionary atonement.”  Thankfully the words that came out of my mouth were in common English not theological jargon.

These young women asked a question that many Christians ask.  Christians do not all agree on the meaning of the death, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus.  Even the phrase, “Christ died for our sins,” is interpreted in many different ways.

The passion story in the gospel of John is significantly different from the other three gospels.  For one thing it portrays Jesus as the Passover lamb.  The story of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet does not take place on the evening that the Passover meal was shared, but is timed so that Jesus’ death on the cross coincides with the traditional timing of the ritual sacrifice of the lamb for the ritual reenactment of Passover.

The Revised Common Lectionary ties the reading from Exodus to John’s account of the last evening with his disciples.  In John’s gospel, Jesus does not recite the words we hear earlier from 1 Corinthians 11, that have become the basis for the Holy Communion liturgy.  The reading from the Hebrew Bible book of Exodus helps connect the gospel of John’s portrayal of Jesus as the new passover lamb with the sacrifice of lambs that protected the Egyptian children from the last plague God sent to release the Israelite’s from captivity.

John portrays Jesus as the new Passover lamb.

Hundreds of years after the death of Christ, church fathers developed the theory of substitutionary atonement.  Somehow, they came to a conclusion that Jesus had to die to rescue fallen sinful humanity from our sins.  We have hymns, like “Nothing But the Blood of Jesus”, and “The Old Rugged Cross” that illustrate the doctrine of substitutionary atonement.

Gerry:

What can wash away my sin?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus;

What can make me whole again?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Or

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,

The emblem of suffering and shame;

And I love that old cross where the dearest and best

For a world of lost sinners was slain.

I sang these hymns when I was young, but I don’t think I ever really understood what they were saying.  Now I understand. Now I have trouble singing these hymns because  that it is a huge leap for me to go from thinking of Jesus as a passover lamb, who died so that we might have access to eternal life; and believing Jesus had to die to wash away our sins.  What kind of God would choose to crucify his son, the dearest and best, so that a world of lost sinners could be saved?  The God I believe in is a loving God, not an abusive father.  The Passover Lamb was not sacrificed to atone for the sins of the Israelite’s.  The lamb was sacrificed to protect their children from death.

So what can we learn from John’s story of the last night of Jesus’ life.

Let’s take a closer look at the text.

After Jesus washed the feet of all of his disciples, he instructed them that they should do the same for each other as he has just done.  Then in John 13: 21, Jesus said, “Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me.”  When Jesus washed his disciples feet, Judas was still there.  Jesus washed the feet of Judas, who would betray him, as well as Peter, who would deny him.

The betrayal of Jesus by Judas, and the denial and abandonment of Jesus by the rest of his disciples, is an important part of John’s story.  Jesus was betrayed, denied, and abandoned by those he loved, and he made the journey to the cross alone.  None of his disciples were willing to take up their cross and follow him, and he knew that was what would happen.

In what ways are we like the disciples?

Gerry:

Is it I Lord?

Is it I who betrays,

Who denies,

Who sleeps when you say “stay awake?”

Who flees when there is danger?

Is it I Lord?

Who calls you Lord and then doesn’t do what you say:

Who builds on sand?

Is it I Lord?

Lord, have mercy.

There’s Judas on your left,

In the specially trusted, specially honored place,

receiving the privileged sandwich . . .

Doesn’t make any difference though,

Doe is Lord?

Deliver me from being so determined,

So sure I’m right, so set in my ways,

That when I’m wrong

You cannot change my mind.

Help me to open my mind,

As well as my heart, to you.

(a reading from Praying the Passion by Ken Taylor)

Have you ever been betrayed by someone you really loved?  Have you ever been falsely accused and punished, or victimized, to bring peace and order to a community or group?  Perhaps a workplace, or a social organization, your family, or maybe even your church.  There is a natural human tendency to find a scapegoat to blame our problems on.  Scapegoats have been a part of the human story since before the New Testament was written.

Right now, immigrants are scapegoats.  Many in our country blame immigrants for loss of jobs, or our economic woes.  The ethnic and racial profiling that comes with home-land security is another example of scapegoating.  Our need to find a scapegoat is mostly unconscious.  God does not demand the ritual sacrifice of Jesus, his own beloved son.  In the Holy Week story in all four gospels, the Roman Empire and Jewish elite, the Temple priests and scribes, demanded Jesus’ death.  The high priest Caiaphas spoke of the need for a scapegoat, “It is better for you to have one man die for the people than to have the whole nation destroyed.” Caiaphas and other religious leaders planned a plotted how they would capture Jesus when he was not surrounded by a crowd of his followers.  (John 11: 50)

Jesus had a perfect understanding of human nature.  He knew the consequences of leading a movement for the liberation of the common people and peasants from their captivity to the Roman Empire and the Jewish elite.  Jesus predicted his death by crucifixion and warned his disciples of the cost of following him.  He knew that insurrection, even his nonviolent peaceful demonstrations against the Empire, was a crime punished by death on the cross.  In fact, crucifixion was a death sentence reserved for enemies of the Roman Empire.

Jesus also knew that his disciples were not ready to love each other, or him, in the way that he loved them.  On the night before he was betrayed, Jesus gave his disciples a new commandment, “Love one another; as I have loved you, so you are to love one another.  If there is this love among you, then everyone will know that you are my disciples.”  (John 13: 34-35).

What kind of love did Jesus model for his disciples?  It is not that difficult to wash each other’s feet.  It is a more difficult to be a servant leader, to place our own needs aside and care for the needs of those we are leading.  On a superficial level, we are able to love one another.

Yet, Jesus washed the feet of Judas, and Peter.  Before they even sinned against him, he extended grace and forgivenss.  He took off his robe, got down on his knees, and washed their dirty feet.  He washed their feet, so that they might have a share with him, in his resurrection.

Jesus was willing to face the cross alone.  He was willing to lay down his life for his mission.  He was willing to give his life, as the final scapegoat.  Through his death and resurrection, God’s message would be clear.  Love triumphs over fear.  Love triumphs over our evil human tendencies.  Love triumphs over betrayal, and injustice.  In the end, God is love, and the love of God defeats even death.

On the cross, Jesus utters these words, “Father, forgive them: they do not know what they are doing.”

Gerry:

Crucified Lord,

They say you kept on praying, “Father forgive them.”

Was it like a mantra, constantly repeated,

Gritting your teeth against the pain of hammered nails?

Your first crucified “word” stresses that forgiveness is essential.

And you told us so often:

That forgiveness must be unlimited,

Or else it will turn back into violence

(70 times 7 times, you said)

Only by forgiveness

Can we live together in peace or in harmony with God.

Crucified Lord,

We never know what we’re doing!

We don’t realize how much hurt we add

To the web of the world’s need and pain:

Have mercy upon us and forgive us.

Forgive my sins, Lord – all my sins.

Here, at the foot of the Cross,

Let your forgiving word

Reach to the very heart of me.

(From New World, by Alan Dale)

I wish the two young women from my youth group were here tonight.  I would tell them that Jesus sacrificed his life for us.  Jesus loved the people so much that he forgave them, even though he knew they would betray and abandon him.  Jesus loves them that much, too.  Yet, Jesus also left us with a very challenging commandment.  We are to love each other with sacrificial love.  We are called to forgive.  We are called to stand up against evil and take up our crosses and follow Jesus in the very costly mission of seeking God’s kingdom on earth.  Forgiveness is free.  Grace is freely given, but truly being a follower or disciple of Jesus is costly indeed.

Tonight we celebrate Holy Communion.  We come to the Lord’s table not because we are worthy, but because we are hungry for forgiveness.  We share the cup, not because Jesus died to erase the sins of humanity, but because Jesus died to prove that love conquers sin.  When we partake of the bread of life, and cup of the new covenant, we are forgiven for what we have done, even unknowingly.  When we come to the table, Jesus asks us to love one another as he loves us, forgiving all who have betrayed us, or harmed us, or offended us.  We are asked to forgive as our Savior has forgiven us, and to love each other as our Savior has loved us.

Amen